did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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