He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
