its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You're like the curious george of whores
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
