grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
