btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
