So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
