dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
