and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
