Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
