From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
