i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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