If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
