WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
