You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
