Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
