I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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