i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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