Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
