marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
