i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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