a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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