God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hate all girls vehemently.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
