listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
