I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
