RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
