oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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