Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
