PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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