genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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