just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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