PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
