We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
