so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
