just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
