I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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