I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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