my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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