he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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