Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You're like the curious george of whores
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
