am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
