Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
