you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
