when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
