i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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