my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
