i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
bring money and cleavage
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
