Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
