i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
