Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
