Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
