I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
